Bathrooms you shouldn’t touch… ever! If you do, don’t start handshaking, just don’t.

This is the FashionLoo after 3:00am edition that comes out once every… this is the first edition. Enjoy!

Have you ever stepped in to use a restroom, right, at a gas station and they’re MF’ing disgusting. There is something fascinating about this though. As soon as you realize that the room you just entered could very well hold some kind of weapon of mass destruction you IMMEDIATELY have this, this mastery, this particular activity adeptness to use your feet to turn things on like a ceiling fan only to discover it doesn’t work. Why in the world would it work anyway??? You can flip the toilet seat up/down, (trust me, in my case it ain’t never going down in a Loo like this) and if the water works it’s freakin astonishing that you can adjust the hot and cold to warm (two handle faucet) flush the toilet and two top it off the last three things are the proof that you are gifted. You are not just a winner but you’re a champion. You’re the maestro at maneuvering your way around a hole in the wall shitter and operating everything in there with your feet only. 1) When we are done what do we do? Wash our hands. I don’t know about you but my hands never came out of my pockets but I still wash them. 2) Somehow, and not sure how, I do get my hands dry. Yea, paper towels in this Loo would be… never mind. No way is there paper towels in this shit-hole. Get over it. Somehow we do get them dry and we’re not using our clothes. We will them dry. And number 3) is a gas… no kidding huh? Now we zero right on that doorknob and I will die a slow painful death before I touch that thing. I ‘ve used my shirt cuff in the past but I have a tee-shirt on, brilliant white and I am not about to get some gas station “virus” because it really hasn’t been identified yet. The reason it hasn’t been is because the people who have had it haven’t lived long enough for the “virus” and it’s symptoms to be studied. Suddenly, that handle turns, the door flicks wide open and all this with the bottom of your foot. Truly amazing because I struggle with the fear of “touching public door knobs all day” in general. Do you know how many people in one day touch the same door that you do? Gazillions. But because of purell I am able to go outside again. I really should add a #4… once outside you release your breath. You have undertaken this entire task of using a “gasoline station public restroom” operating everything with your feet and the whole time you were holing your breath! Now, not sure about you but think about this, you were in there a long time meaning at least 10 minutes. And if you have BPH and are not on medication then you are in there for at least 1/2 hr. Taking that elusive BPH leak is painful enough all in its own. So if you think about what you have just done with your body, in an environment that does kill coo-coo-rachaz it really does qualify as an eighth wonder of the world. Seriously! Look at some that were once thought of as an 8th wonder; Grande Canyon, Empire State Bldg, natural tunnel in Virginia, Panama Canal and even André the Giant was at one time. If André the Giant can make the list so should Using the Loo at a shit-hole Gasoline Station. I think Stephen King would agree. Take a look at some of the places we’re talking about…

Oh here's a place we can stop at to use the facilities and grab a bite to eat!

Hurry up! Let's go! It was full, I'll use the next one!

Close call but he made it!

this is much more natural than that gas station facility. OCD really bad with this cracker-jack

Forget it! I'll go take my chances with the rattlers...

I'm sure the city meant well but I just couldn't do it.

I can redesign and refashion your curent bathroom into something that will make you stay away from any other Loo. Especially the public facilities. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's n... Call me. You'll be glad you did!

FashionLoo
Call me for a free, no obligation consultation. We can discuss what you want to accomplish with your bathroom, themes, colors, accessories… Depending on the work that will go into your FashionLoo I can give you an estimate right away or email one within 24 hrs

Kindest Regards,

max shapiro
828-676-0803 or 310-869-7764
maxshapiro.ca@gmail.com

Let’s just say that the first automobile ever introduced to us post Horse and Buggy were cars that…

looked just like this. And they told us that we could get any color we wanted as long as it’s black. So then, we pickled a black one. We took family vacations in this car, drive to church in it and we would even just sit in it and listen to the ball game.

Then though it was over the years we did notice that every single car looked exactly like this one. A subtle difference here and there but for the most part, this was it

Let’s get it straight… the first car we ever see and use is a great looking BMW 6 series. As the years go by we end up with something that does the job but just isn’t something that we get excited about, certainly not something to show off and don’t ever use it anymore unless we absolutely have to go… somewhere that is. What happened? It made more sense for the manufacturers to spend less/charge more. Pretty clear cut and fast drying. Less material cost less money but the scam called “Inflation and Cost of Living” has converted everyone into a village idiot. The reality of a product and it’s worth is simple; it’s worth is only based on what someone is willing to pay. That’s it. You don’t want to pay $2.00 for a box of brownies then walk away. If you’re willing to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a Barry Bonds steroid home run baseball then good for you. You’re the top village idiot. That baseball is still a baseball. It hasn’t been filled with platinum, pure gold or even uncut whatever. It’s still a rawlings baseball. So now everyone is convinced about inflation, the increase in the costs of running a business, prices continue to skyrocket and though the companies all cut back the consumer still takes it in the rear end. Corporate has a free pass to extortionate pricing. The analogy above with the cars is this;

This one bathroom most people today will not remember. In fact, they will question if there ever were such a bathroom. Well the answer is yes and one with character, modern, luxurious and smart. Notice the commode is in a separate room adjoining the main bathroom. This should have never EVER changed. Use your imagination as to why. Here are a few more that we should have stayed with...

Oh this was certainly a waste of craftsmanship. Someone fire up the bulldozer pronto!

We should just take a torch to this nonsense. What could they have possibly been thinking???

So finally the idea strikes like a bolt of lightning…

It's magnificent! Who designed this? Frank Lloyd Wright? Barry Byrne? So this is what we have accepted for at least the past 50 yrs and we decided it ain't going to survive year 51. See what's coming...

the counter top-formica-granite-whatever sink becomes a beautiful craftsmanship piece of bedroom furniture. It has two sinks and all your drawer clothing is right there. Large enough fo two people. Space is large enough to comfortably get ready for any event. Check it out Jackson…

and it only gets better...

and better...

Now here in the bathroom there is all this additional room. You might be saying but I want a sink in the bathroom, I’ve always had a sink and I am… I interrupt and say ok, shut up you big crybaby and listen to me for a second. Over in this corner where you keep your dust decor…

handsome, compact,fit anywhere, any corner

you could install this one at the base of the tub

pay attention to the cabinet. This is where we go next

Moving on now leaving you with the classic pedestal

Next is a cabinet to store a few things in. Whatever they are. Could be condoms, k-Y, a waterproof vibrator, I don’t care. Just remember, the main vanity has moved into the bedroom. Now pay attention…

look at this, life was never this good

oh.yea-sex-toys-storage-cabinet

Freakin Awesome!

there.it.s-all.she.wrote.space.taken.with.pedestal.and.cabinet-4sqfeet

Now here is something I am very adamant about… shit stinks. Yours stinks even worse. Why they took the commode and stuck it in the the room with everything else still confuses me. There isn’t any amount of money that could be worth that. The toilet belongs and is going back to having it’s own room the size of a walk in closet. It will also accommodate a pedestal sink and medicine “wink-wink” cabinet. Check it out…

Very nice, very nice.

Si! Si!

Adequate. Serves the purpose

The alternative?

This was really Thomas Jefferson's toilet room. Good enough for him, it's good enough to bring back.

Coming tomorrow is the new look in the Loo with all the extra space. This room will become your sanctuary, your oasis, your getaway, you’ll become a bathroom rat. The designs are endless and you’ll love it once you start getting into it or call me for a consultation.

Taking a break from The FashionLoo for a minute to remember a bizarre and odd man that was emcee on a popular Sunday night variety show…

Mr Edward Vincent “Ed” Sullivan. Born: 9-28-1901 Died: 10-13-1974

Ed Sullivan was weird. No two ways about it. He always had his arms crossed very tightly like he was hanging on to himself, controlling beyond apprehension, possessing a sailor’s salty vocabulary and the only talent he did have was that of making his audience believe he was the nice “Uncle Eddie”. In reality though, Ed Sullivan had skipped college but earned a rough and tumble Ivy League education in American show business, from the speakeasy cabarets of his twenties to his abortive radio and film career to – especially – his years spent producing sawdust-and-sweat vaudeville shows. He was a loner, he would isolate, get pissed at someone about nothing and not speak to them for months, sometimes years. He would cancel performances on the day of the show if the performer would object to his change demands. opera star Maria Callas refused to sing her famed interpretation of Tosca, Sullivan had made it clear: you’ll sing what I tell you to sing or your performance is canceled. The diva had met a bigger diva. He told the Doors to change the word “Higher” in “light my fire”, they reluctantly agreed but sang the original lyric anyway. Ed canceled their next six scheduled shows and would not shake hands with them when they left. He told The Rolling Stones to change some lyrics in “Let’s spend the night together” and they agreed and kept their word. However, every time Mick sang the “new” lyrics he would roll his eyes. This pissed Ed off. It was definitely Ed’s show or no show. But watching him every week I remember not only was he odd and bizarre but he knew something that the rest of us didn’t. As nutty and stubborn as he was, he kept that show running for 25 years. A photo run down ES lane wrapping it up with his top 5 acts of all time.

Morrison, I warned you and you double crossed me! No one gets away with doing that to me. Your next six scheduled shows are all canceled! Now get off my stage and scram!

We already did the Ed Sullivan show

Ed clearly not getting through to the young Presley, he's quickly becoming annoyed and considering canceling his performance

Those hips of yours Presley will not shake about as you perform. Am I getting through to you yet you thick-headed hick?

Now you listen to me Parker or whoever you really are, get your whole gang in here, I'll kick their asses. Then when I'm done with them I'll knock the dog-snot out of your brainless mug. Then, after I am warmed up I'll use sissy girl Presley here as a punching bag. He'll be so banged up when I'm done with him it'll be at least a year before he can perform. And to make sure I am satisfied when I'm done, I'll keep the cash I promised you. Now am I getting through to you two hillbillies? No hips!!! Shut up Presley.

Topo Gigio finishes a song & dance number to a standing ovation on the Ed Sullivan show. Ed was so annoyed that a rat could be admired by all that he had to walk back stage to avoid embarrassing himself.

Because Topo was in such demand, particularly to appear on the Ed Sullivan Show, he was now enjoying being on top of the world. Ed on the other hand saw nothing but a rat when he looked at Topo. Topo sensed Ed's aversion towards him. Topo took pity on Ed and sent him a card...

Oh Eddie, you cana kissa my rat's ass!

Ed was outraged by this and immediately planned his revenge. He detested the fact that the audience adored Topo Gigio more than they adored Ed himself. On screen Ed was loving and kind to Topo. He would even kiss him goodnight. But now this was it. He wanted nothing more than to get rid of that rat. Rat poison he thought, slow and painful.

Wrapping up the shew with Ed Sullivan’s top 5 acts of all time. Starting with…

# 5~ The Rolling Stones

Hey Mick, maybe you shouldn't have rolled your eyes.

# 4~ Victor Borge (Isn’t he that funny guy who spins a million plates at once?)

# 3~ Topo Gigio

Ed thought he was clever sticking Topo in the number 3 spot. He proved he wouldn't hurt a little mouse and that Topo was his pal. But a twist takes place, Topo didn't trust Ed anymore so he brought his bodyguard along with him to the show...

A break in the countdown ladies and gentlemen…

Where's Sullivan. I gotta message for him from Topo Gigio.

Continuing with the shew as Mr. Bengal waits comfortably sedated in the green room, we now bring you the number 2 act of all time, The Beatles!

Number 2??? Who can possibly be 1?

And the number 1 act of all time… The Beach Boys!

This is America, we love Topo and The Beach Boys. Oh, oh... one thing about Ed Sullivan, he can smell when a mob is about to happen and this one is only moments away.

Everyone is booing Ed, Topo and his buddy the big cat are running towards Sullivan, Keith Richards of the Stones sucker punches Ed from behind, Victor tries spinning plates to calm the crowd but now they’re a mob charging the stage, Victor drops his plates screaming and running, Jim Morrison drops in and says to Ed, “you’re so stupid man” and then leaves. The Beatles are cracking up and The Beach Boys are crying. Ed throws his hands in the air and takes a walk back stage. Here is a rare photo of Ed at the end of that day…

You get to do it all over again next Sunday Ed. Keep your chin up!

R.I.P. Topo Gigio Born 8-22-1945 Died 10-12-1974.

That’s funny, Topo died a day before Ed Sullivan passed away… way to go Ed!

Classic, Aged with the Detail at its Finest. You know, some things should just stay the way they are…

Back on board at The Loo, this bathroom is awesome. Don’t just glance over it but look at the detail… a wired soap dish attached (kind of low for my liking) to the wall, the toilet speaks for itself and I would love to have that exact toilet. Just yanking on that chain to flush would be cool. I know, I know, conserve water and save the planet and I believe in that. But Bono has it covered. Anyway, the toilet is amazing, the door in the corner is kind of interesting. I believe it’s a door, maybe a dutch door, the coat-rack for robes, the stand with what looks like a pitcher & bowl, then the main sink. The plumbing alone is very cool. The walls must be 12 – 15 ft which is enough room to build a loft if someone wanted to. If you look in the mirror there is a reflection of what looks like a large draped window. This must be one hell of a house. The rug alone looks like it cost a fortune. What does this have to do with the average person that goes from paycheck to paycheck? Stimulate ideas. I know I’ll never live in a house like this BUT with imagination and some creative passion you can have a miniature. I have found some great items at thrift stores for a buck or two. Cleaned them up, tightened a screw polished it down to the metal and ended up with something that looks like I paid a lot of money for. I got a couple of antique soap dishes this way. Small and medium sized vases, picked up a great pitcher & bowl (not crazy about the color but it’s in near perfect condition and was $3-) hard wired screen baskets are great for anything and look artsy all cleaned up with a few rolled towels in them. Then the two rusted brass 12” candle holders. I cut off the part that holds the candle (actually I beat the things to death with a hammer because I don’t have a hack-saw and that part eventually broke off. You just gotta hang in there sometimes and make use with what you have) Hung them on the wall with the two bottom ends connecting placing them going in opposite directions. It not only came out great it looks like a very expensive piece of metal wall art. I think they were like a buck a piece. I hung a few corner pieces of crown molding with no intention of going full circle and it looks great. Cost me like $5- I had a small brown pressed wood bathroom cabinet. Nothing special. The kind you would either toss or give to someone if they needed one. Instead, I painted it white, replaced the brown wood knobs with brushed nickel metal knobs and in no time at all I have this stylish artsy cabinet that cost about $15- The ideas are endless. What one thing does for you may not for another so who cares. Hang a soap dish upside down on the ceiling with a small picture in it. When people are using your bathroom they’ll see it and wonder… WTF??? John Lennon was once asked what a particular song meant. His was response was what it meant to him and what it may mean to someone else will have two different meanings so why does it matter what it means to him. Now remember the sidebar with John saying something about the eye of the hurricane when suddenly you realize you’re performing in concert… my interpretation of those words were he just came out of a blackout and hears Paul saying; “for the 10th time now John, start us off” There it is, same song, two different meanings.

Decorative crown molding corner piece

And it all started with this!

An old hallway table, a thrift store mirror, a ceramic or glass basin with a faucet and you just created a unique piece of art.

That’s right. There are probably a million old hallway tables, butcher’s blocks, old beat-up school desk’s or an imperfect piece of wood that was maybe burned a bit at one time. Whatever the piece may be you can make an adjustment here and there, antique it with a bicycle chain by beating the dog snot out of it, throw on some green, yellow, red, black, brown paint… choose the colors you like. Green and brown with the whipped chain looks like an antique over night. Use a rag, sponge and an old stiff paintbrush when applying the paint. The type of finish you get is entirely up to you. I personally like a flat or a semi-gloss. Buy a basin at any major home improvement store that you absolutely love (don’t get hung up on if it “matches” or not. It will) and there are lots of new ones out there, many beautiful ones for under $100. Some simple plumbing accessories, hang the mirror, put a couple of inexpensive side lamps on the wall with the aged Italian brass look and you have a functioning new sink that looks like a million bucks. It’s very cool! Use your imagination, let your heart guide you and you will be brilliant every time.

Check it out…

g. max shapiro
maxshapiro.ca@gmail.com
310-869-7764
Call/email for a free, no obligation consultation
Simply put, we deliver nothing less than a QUALITY of work that when completed the results are superior! You will not find better craftsmanship anywhere. And at the rates we can offer you, you’ll bring us back again and again. I guarantee it!

Jayne Mansfield & Her Pink Loo

Besides vintage bathrooms on the rise today are Pink Loo’s. Check it out. Legendary Jayne Mansfield’s home bathroom. Not only is it just freakin weird, how would you find the pepto bismal if you were sick? Check out her windows, the carpeting, the shape of the tub, the ceiling… it doesn’t stop. Click on her picture and the next one is her leaving her pink palace in a pink Cadillac. Pink is a nauseating color, should be outlawed, people who wear pink are a lot off their rocker, statistically, people who drive pink cars get in more serious car accidents than any other color car. The on and only true exception is… well, just ask any guy. There isn’t anything better! Jayne really must have been in love with the color pink!

Bathrooms Refashioned and the little things that can blow it!

First glance at this Loo I thought what a great job! Tight, clean, awesome window, colors… colors, WTF??? There are gold faucets and knobs in this room. Let me tell you something. Actually a few things about gold. Its freakin ugly is the first thing. “Oh, you got a new plasma TV. It looks great! The black trim is nice but it would look so much better in gold. Let me paint it gold for you” I think if you kill someone in your own home it’s considered self defense or insane or… something like that. In Texas it’s considered an everyday occurrence. Wouldn’t it be great if we could sell a state to another country…(a phone conversation between a potential buyer and the USA realtor. by the way, when a state is sold the USA keeps the land obviously but all the people who live in the state must move to their new union within 48 hrs) “Yea, that’s right. Texas is for sale. $1.55. No, that\’s one dollar and 55 cents for the entire state. Sure, you can make payments. I’m sorry? Would we take $0.74? Let me think about tha… ok, only if you take it today. Ok then, congratulations on the purchase of your new state. Now who is this again? Oh yea, well good luck with your new state of Texas. Nice doing business with you as well Iraq and take care 😉 Back to reality, gold is ugly, it always looks cheap even if it’s real, it shows you lack taste and are probably someone who is gaudy, garish and obviously flaunts it. And where? In a damn nice Loo. This bathroom would have looked like they dumped thousands more into the job if they would have used brushed nickel in place of everything that is gold. They totally screwed up. I hope the whole bathroom turns into a moldy green. I’ve said this before and here it is again, Gold is good for one thing only, exchanging for cash.

This near perfect! It’s compact, great for a guest bathroom, it appears to be off the hallway, dark wood, darker counter top, cream tile with some black design… almost perfect. The only thing I would have done differently for literally a couple of bucks and would make it look like a million bucks are the wall plates. White and cream color wallplates have been around since Europe stopped yelling and throwing babies out the window. You have to watch those Europeans, especially when you get into southern Europe. Oh, there’s a small country within a country within a city which is Rome and the country inside Rome is… you tell me and win a prize. Yea, wallplates of cream and white are big time boring. Really boring. We now have options, all kinds of color wallplates which really make a room stand out. I have Italian aged brass in a room or two with black over-sized metal throughout the rest of the place. It makes a huge difference but still, this Loo is great. The colors are smart, thoughtful, you could read in there (actually I can read in any… never mind) And since there are no signs of towels, facecloth’s, soap, in fact I don’t see any accessories. What’s wrong with these people? You have to use the bathroom badly and when you run in with you ex-friend, (by the way, you know how people hold up their one wrist and point at it with their other hand when they want to know the time? Point at your crotch to someone, anyone, the next time you really need the bathroom) and she says; “first door on the left down the hall. You do your business and feel great! Then you notice there is not one single drop of soap, no cloth of any type, not even a bathmat. You say screw it and that you\’ll dry you hands on the wallplates. You turn the water handles and nothing. The water has been turned off. Why in God’s name do these people have a bathroom here for??? You reach under the sink and take the valve handles off after turn both up to full power, you take the toilet valve handle after you turn it off and you were lucky enough to loosen the drainpipe under the sink. You walk out and say; ” See you soon Mrs Cleaver. If you decide to remodel again soon they have some great wallplates at Sewol” Aside from this mess this is a great looking small Loo.

Back 2 Basics anyone?

Take a look at the things, stuff, electronics, picture frames, glass tops to counter tops. Microwave ovens to, George Foreman Grill to the Ron RONCO Rotisserie oven ~ “Set it and forget it” (they never mention what a royal pain in the rear end it is to clean that thing up. But it does cook a great piece of meat. Reel-to-Reel is still the best in quality but you can’t buy one. Beta should have easily beat out VHS but id not. Technology? Perhaps. Who moved faster, was more aggressive, got things going was who became the winner. It really didn’t have a thing to do with quality back then because ppl chose to buy VHS to record. It looked like crap but everything off of the TV set did then. Now it’s Blu-ray and HD-DVD over which format will become the dominant high-definition DVD platform. It’s a flip of the coin and who is the faster runner. So as you see things in your home that were brand new yesterday may be completely out of date today….. Wow my brain flatulated just then and I forgot where I was going with all this. I remembered and will tell you where, back to the basics as we should. I just read and article the other day on this upstart company that builds homes. Yea, big deal you’re thinking. The thing is these homes are ridiculously small somewhere around25 sq ft with a cozy (have ppl always noticed when the word cozy is used that the writer means cramped?) anyway, price tags for these one wheelers about 4 times the size of an outhouse is around 35k. Three br, 2 bath homes built in the 70’s were going for 25k – 30k. Inflation is definitely going to be the death of this country UNLESS we do go back to the basics and stick with them. I am relearning myself. I am fixing things rather than replacing. I am buying used instead of brand new. I ask the cashier at department stores if they have a coupon I can use. Most do. There are coupon books out there that serve the community from dining out to golf. Typically it’s a 2-for-1 deal which is great. So I came across this Loo and the first thing I thought of was Pitcher and Bowl. Now we obviously have better plumbing and such so it’s not entirely necessary to go back too far but back far enough where everything seemed much more peaceful, a simplicity to life, a relaxed hr or two in the sun drink a cold root beer. Take a look at the basin then look around your home. Try and find things that have given us a great advantage over some things but now how can we tone it down so that it is “greener”, better for the consumer, and the quality is unmatched. Send me your ideas. This could stimulate whole new workforce and this is a great thing!

Great Loo, limited space, made it work!

I love this bathroom. Check it out… the windows are unique or at least rarely seen anymore. That sink I know goes for under $100, the colors are perfect and for this Loo a person couldn’t find better matching tones. Two things I will caution you about, the toilet handle is on the left side when looking at it. Eljer is made that way. They’re next to impossible to find. Now sitting on the toilet to TP is sticking out from the wall. Either a TP stand that you can move around or have the it inserted into the wall with copper casing. It would be perfect. I am a pain in the ass aren’t I 😉 I have a feeling this Loo is in the UK.

Love it! Side wall lamps, the colors blend really well, the floor looks awesome. The only thing is the toilet handle is on the left side. This may be an Eljer. Move forward with EXTREME caution people.

g. max shapiro
maxshapiro.ca@gmail.com
828-676-0803 or 310-869-7764
Call/email for a free, no obligation consultation
Uncontested, undoubtedly, unreal the absolute BEST rates in town for QUALITY work!

A call came in for this Loo…

Yea, a mostly green kitchen is like some chick with hundreds of tatts not ever wondering what she’ll look like as grandma. Kitchens… they’re so overrated! And btw, The Brady Bunch just called and they want their kitchen back now!

One red apple in this pic would have made it a great shot.