Expose the Brick (not yourself) in those Loo’s

People get an itch, decide to do some remodeling at home and then spend days on end reading about what they’re going to do. From Idiots for dumbshits books to bookmarking bobvila.com. I encourage a different approach… just start ripping shit apart and hope for the best. I’ve been “really zapped” a few times, smashed every finger (and thumb) on my left hand with a hammer countless times, drilled my leg once and when it comes to the utility knife (the razor) I now wear metal gloves. The funny thing about a razor cut is you don’t feel it for a few seconds but still end up screaming like a little girl BEFORE the cut even happens but you see it coming and it’s too late to put the breaks on. That’s the physical pain you can expect. Then the psychology of it kicks in and this is actually more painful. You start talking to the”whatever” it is you’re working on. One time I started arguing with the toilet. I was putting a new one in and was down to removing the last bolt. I am already pissed because of the lack of space that is usually around toilets. I tried maneuvering every which way I could and just couldn’t get that freakin bolt to do anything. Then it happens out of nowhere, you take a step back and start saying things like; “so, you want to play games huh? I can play games too! I have an idea toilet, let’s play smash the toilet to smithereens in 13 seconds or less. What’s that? Who else is playing? Well there is me, you and of course Sledge Hammer. He loves this game. In fact, I think I hear him at the door now. I’ll be right back” your family can probably have you locked up for this. By golly though, the next thing I know is I am “sweeping” the toilet out of the bathroom and I feel great! There are easier ways but letting you know what can happen to the mind when tackling a DIY home improvement job. Then the fun part, every once in a while people find some gems in their walls. The stuff that ends up being worth a fortune is great. However, I am more fascinated about how it got there and why was it left there. We never hear about that part of the story. So the project for the ambitious lately has been exposing brick walls in the bathroom. It adds character, gives an industrial look to a place that is very urban and frankly, I think it just looks awesome. Here they are…

There’s too much going on so close to the brick that it takes you away from it. I like the candles in the brick as it actually enhances it. Everything else should be spread out. But, maybe space is an issue. It’s cool.

This is ok but lacking the nitty-gritty, sledgehammer feel.

I like this one. At first the blue/green colors threw me off but after staring at it for a minute I found myself really liking it.

Very cool.

I love this one!

I gaurantee this person has OCD ~

This is obviously a small bathroom and props on a job well done. If there were only a brick wall exposed it would be awesome!

Urban Loo work in progress

You know, she was a sex symbol in her time but this is just weird. First of all who ever designed this thing was on acid. Secondly, whoever built it was taking it as well. This thing will make a person puke. And look at the front of the tub, it looks like a homemade coffin made out of used wood. Most of the paint has peeled off. Those bathroom windows look like they came out of a whore motel. I would just blow up and start all over again.

and finally…

I understand it, but I will NEVER use it! There are three things right off the top of my head that are wrong with this. London has a problem with people urinating outside, downtown where it's busy and crowded. 1) Where do they put these where they are not offensive? 2) Where will these be placed that only the outdoor pissers know where they are? This is a disease factory. Something tells me this will backfire. I hope not but this just does not look good. And 3) I think the designer overlooked one thing, what if you're really short? For a city that has an uppity attitude, an unequaled pride regarding their own culture you would have expected them to come up with something with a little more thought behind it. Also, it gives the pissers the green light that pissing in public is A-OK. It's a reprehensible and disgraceful solution for the people of London.

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Taking a break from The FashionLoo for a minute to remember a bizarre and odd man that was emcee on a popular Sunday night variety show…

Mr Edward Vincent “Ed” Sullivan. Born: 9-28-1901 Died: 10-13-1974

Ed Sullivan was weird. No two ways about it. He always had his arms crossed very tightly like he was hanging on to himself, controlling beyond apprehension, possessing a sailor’s salty vocabulary and the only talent he did have was that of making his audience believe he was the nice “Uncle Eddie”. In reality though, Ed Sullivan had skipped college but earned a rough and tumble Ivy League education in American show business, from the speakeasy cabarets of his twenties to his abortive radio and film career to – especially – his years spent producing sawdust-and-sweat vaudeville shows. He was a loner, he would isolate, get pissed at someone about nothing and not speak to them for months, sometimes years. He would cancel performances on the day of the show if the performer would object to his change demands. opera star Maria Callas refused to sing her famed interpretation of Tosca, Sullivan had made it clear: you’ll sing what I tell you to sing or your performance is canceled. The diva had met a bigger diva. He told the Doors to change the word “Higher” in “light my fire”, they reluctantly agreed but sang the original lyric anyway. Ed canceled their next six scheduled shows and would not shake hands with them when they left. He told The Rolling Stones to change some lyrics in “Let’s spend the night together” and they agreed and kept their word. However, every time Mick sang the “new” lyrics he would roll his eyes. This pissed Ed off. It was definitely Ed’s show or no show. But watching him every week I remember not only was he odd and bizarre but he knew something that the rest of us didn’t. As nutty and stubborn as he was, he kept that show running for 25 years. A photo run down ES lane wrapping it up with his top 5 acts of all time.

Morrison, I warned you and you double crossed me! No one gets away with doing that to me. Your next six scheduled shows are all canceled! Now get off my stage and scram!

We already did the Ed Sullivan show

Ed clearly not getting through to the young Presley, he's quickly becoming annoyed and considering canceling his performance

Those hips of yours Presley will not shake about as you perform. Am I getting through to you yet you thick-headed hick?

Now you listen to me Parker or whoever you really are, get your whole gang in here, I'll kick their asses. Then when I'm done with them I'll knock the dog-snot out of your brainless mug. Then, after I am warmed up I'll use sissy girl Presley here as a punching bag. He'll be so banged up when I'm done with him it'll be at least a year before he can perform. And to make sure I am satisfied when I'm done, I'll keep the cash I promised you. Now am I getting through to you two hillbillies? No hips!!! Shut up Presley.

Topo Gigio finishes a song & dance number to a standing ovation on the Ed Sullivan show. Ed was so annoyed that a rat could be admired by all that he had to walk back stage to avoid embarrassing himself.

Because Topo was in such demand, particularly to appear on the Ed Sullivan Show, he was now enjoying being on top of the world. Ed on the other hand saw nothing but a rat when he looked at Topo. Topo sensed Ed's aversion towards him. Topo took pity on Ed and sent him a card...

Oh Eddie, you cana kissa my rat's ass!

Ed was outraged by this and immediately planned his revenge. He detested the fact that the audience adored Topo Gigio more than they adored Ed himself. On screen Ed was loving and kind to Topo. He would even kiss him goodnight. But now this was it. He wanted nothing more than to get rid of that rat. Rat poison he thought, slow and painful.

Wrapping up the shew with Ed Sullivan’s top 5 acts of all time. Starting with…

# 5~ The Rolling Stones

Hey Mick, maybe you shouldn't have rolled your eyes.

# 4~ Victor Borge (Isn’t he that funny guy who spins a million plates at once?)

# 3~ Topo Gigio

Ed thought he was clever sticking Topo in the number 3 spot. He proved he wouldn't hurt a little mouse and that Topo was his pal. But a twist takes place, Topo didn't trust Ed anymore so he brought his bodyguard along with him to the show...

A break in the countdown ladies and gentlemen…

Where's Sullivan. I gotta message for him from Topo Gigio.

Continuing with the shew as Mr. Bengal waits comfortably sedated in the green room, we now bring you the number 2 act of all time, The Beatles!

Number 2??? Who can possibly be 1?

And the number 1 act of all time… The Beach Boys!

This is America, we love Topo and The Beach Boys. Oh, oh... one thing about Ed Sullivan, he can smell when a mob is about to happen and this one is only moments away.

Everyone is booing Ed, Topo and his buddy the big cat are running towards Sullivan, Keith Richards of the Stones sucker punches Ed from behind, Victor tries spinning plates to calm the crowd but now they’re a mob charging the stage, Victor drops his plates screaming and running, Jim Morrison drops in and says to Ed, “you’re so stupid man” and then leaves. The Beatles are cracking up and The Beach Boys are crying. Ed throws his hands in the air and takes a walk back stage. Here is a rare photo of Ed at the end of that day…

You get to do it all over again next Sunday Ed. Keep your chin up!

R.I.P. Topo Gigio Born 8-22-1945 Died 10-12-1974.

That’s funny, Topo died a day before Ed Sullivan passed away… way to go Ed!

Pink was their favorite color. C’mon, let’s pink inside…

What was the attraction to pink back then?

Well, someone today thinks this is very cool, modern retro.

Oh, oh... a few new colors are coming in.

Too bad it's Pink. Otherwise, it's pretty damn cool!

Look, in the retro days they had bubble gum canisters in the Loo. See it in the far caorner where mirror meets the wall.

It was only a matter of time before someone went out on a limb.

Classic, Aged with the Detail at its Finest. You know, some things should just stay the way they are…

Back on board at The Loo, this bathroom is awesome. Don’t just glance over it but look at the detail… a wired soap dish attached (kind of low for my liking) to the wall, the toilet speaks for itself and I would love to have that exact toilet. Just yanking on that chain to flush would be cool. I know, I know, conserve water and save the planet and I believe in that. But Bono has it covered. Anyway, the toilet is amazing, the door in the corner is kind of interesting. I believe it’s a door, maybe a dutch door, the coat-rack for robes, the stand with what looks like a pitcher & bowl, then the main sink. The plumbing alone is very cool. The walls must be 12 – 15 ft which is enough room to build a loft if someone wanted to. If you look in the mirror there is a reflection of what looks like a large draped window. This must be one hell of a house. The rug alone looks like it cost a fortune. What does this have to do with the average person that goes from paycheck to paycheck? Stimulate ideas. I know I’ll never live in a house like this BUT with imagination and some creative passion you can have a miniature. I have found some great items at thrift stores for a buck or two. Cleaned them up, tightened a screw polished it down to the metal and ended up with something that looks like I paid a lot of money for. I got a couple of antique soap dishes this way. Small and medium sized vases, picked up a great pitcher & bowl (not crazy about the color but it’s in near perfect condition and was $3-) hard wired screen baskets are great for anything and look artsy all cleaned up with a few rolled towels in them. Then the two rusted brass 12” candle holders. I cut off the part that holds the candle (actually I beat the things to death with a hammer because I don’t have a hack-saw and that part eventually broke off. You just gotta hang in there sometimes and make use with what you have) Hung them on the wall with the two bottom ends connecting placing them going in opposite directions. It not only came out great it looks like a very expensive piece of metal wall art. I think they were like a buck a piece. I hung a few corner pieces of crown molding with no intention of going full circle and it looks great. Cost me like $5- I had a small brown pressed wood bathroom cabinet. Nothing special. The kind you would either toss or give to someone if they needed one. Instead, I painted it white, replaced the brown wood knobs with brushed nickel metal knobs and in no time at all I have this stylish artsy cabinet that cost about $15- The ideas are endless. What one thing does for you may not for another so who cares. Hang a soap dish upside down on the ceiling with a small picture in it. When people are using your bathroom they’ll see it and wonder… WTF??? John Lennon was once asked what a particular song meant. His was response was what it meant to him and what it may mean to someone else will have two different meanings so why does it matter what it means to him. Now remember the sidebar with John saying something about the eye of the hurricane when suddenly you realize you’re performing in concert… my interpretation of those words were he just came out of a blackout and hears Paul saying; “for the 10th time now John, start us off” There it is, same song, two different meanings.

Decorative crown molding corner piece

And it all started with this!

An old hallway table, a thrift store mirror, a ceramic or glass basin with a faucet and you just created a unique piece of art.

That’s right. There are probably a million old hallway tables, butcher’s blocks, old beat-up school desk’s or an imperfect piece of wood that was maybe burned a bit at one time. Whatever the piece may be you can make an adjustment here and there, antique it with a bicycle chain by beating the dog snot out of it, throw on some green, yellow, red, black, brown paint… choose the colors you like. Green and brown with the whipped chain looks like an antique over night. Use a rag, sponge and an old stiff paintbrush when applying the paint. The type of finish you get is entirely up to you. I personally like a flat or a semi-gloss. Buy a basin at any major home improvement store that you absolutely love (don’t get hung up on if it “matches” or not. It will) and there are lots of new ones out there, many beautiful ones for under $100. Some simple plumbing accessories, hang the mirror, put a couple of inexpensive side lamps on the wall with the aged Italian brass look and you have a functioning new sink that looks like a million bucks. It’s very cool! Use your imagination, let your heart guide you and you will be brilliant every time.

Check it out…

g. max shapiro
maxshapiro.ca@gmail.com
310-869-7764
Call/email for a free, no obligation consultation
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After Vintage we were on the way to creating what we now call the Retro Bathroom. Take a look…

Top 5 picks for the week o 12-07-2009. All Retro. Pick the most popular and win a prize~ I have never been a huge fan of this look primarily for two reasons; 1) They seem to be occupied by old people. Why? I have no idea. Just an observation on my part. 2) I forgot what my number 2 reason was but if I do remember before I’m finished I’ll let you know… They were not very sanitary! I knew I would remember. Some weird transition happened. You could eat off of the plumbing in a vintage Loo then the retro thing happens and I didn’t even want to be near one while eating. Seriously, they took my appetite away. Anyway, my top 5 picks “retro style” for week 12-07-2009-

Retro Loo pick # 5~

No space, incredibly small, it’s a germ motel… I hate it. 1 star.

Retro Loo pick # 4~

What is with the color pink? It seems like 8 out 10 retro bathrooms were pink back then. Is this because of Jayne Mansfield? There is something about the color pink that makes me want to vomit. No matter what shade it is I get a sudden urge to puke. I hate this Loo. 1 star!

Retro Loo pick # 3~

It’s getting better. I think the general population saw how disgusting their bathrooms had become so a change was in order. This next one at least makes an attempt to do something to get away from the crap that was being built and billed as “modern bathrooms” with all the comforts you can imagine… I would yell at the TV when I was a kid and tell the guy doing the commercial to go F–k himself then get up and go have a smoke I was so disgusted. But check this out…

Put your guns back in your holsters and calm down. Yea, it’s Pepto Dismal Pink BUT look at the gray towels above the toilet… huh? And then there’s some BS here and there that have normal colors for a man. Hey, just understand this if you’re thinking of ever running for office for any seat, change happens slowly. But it’s a positive change, God bless the guy who put these towels and thing-a-ma-jigs on the wall. This Loo gets 3 stars!

Retro Loo pick # 2~

The Loos are looking promising now. We’re heading in the right direction and everyone should light up a cigar and celebrate, Look at this beauty…

Ok, yea, it’s some kind of whacked out green but listen! It has more space, more colors though most of them suck with the exception of the floor tile which you have noticed is gray. A couple of aluminum shower rods, the commode is back in a separate room… we are on our way! I like it, 3 stars.

Now, the # 1 pick for the best retro Loo is…

Yea, that is right, stare in awe. This Loo is my favorite of all time. I got one word to say; I don’t see a spec of pink in this Loo, it’s masculine, it’s hip, slick and way too cool AND it’s Numero Uno in my Loo book! I am giving it, no, this Loo undisputedly deserves 5 stars. More if we had them. And let me tell you something, this ain’t no germ factory!

Bathrooms Refashioned and the little things that can blow it!

First glance at this Loo I thought what a great job! Tight, clean, awesome window, colors… colors, WTF??? There are gold faucets and knobs in this room. Let me tell you something. Actually a few things about gold. Its freakin ugly is the first thing. “Oh, you got a new plasma TV. It looks great! The black trim is nice but it would look so much better in gold. Let me paint it gold for you” I think if you kill someone in your own home it’s considered self defense or insane or… something like that. In Texas it’s considered an everyday occurrence. Wouldn’t it be great if we could sell a state to another country…(a phone conversation between a potential buyer and the USA realtor. by the way, when a state is sold the USA keeps the land obviously but all the people who live in the state must move to their new union within 48 hrs) “Yea, that’s right. Texas is for sale. $1.55. No, that\’s one dollar and 55 cents for the entire state. Sure, you can make payments. I’m sorry? Would we take $0.74? Let me think about tha… ok, only if you take it today. Ok then, congratulations on the purchase of your new state. Now who is this again? Oh yea, well good luck with your new state of Texas. Nice doing business with you as well Iraq and take care 😉 Back to reality, gold is ugly, it always looks cheap even if it’s real, it shows you lack taste and are probably someone who is gaudy, garish and obviously flaunts it. And where? In a damn nice Loo. This bathroom would have looked like they dumped thousands more into the job if they would have used brushed nickel in place of everything that is gold. They totally screwed up. I hope the whole bathroom turns into a moldy green. I’ve said this before and here it is again, Gold is good for one thing only, exchanging for cash.

This near perfect! It’s compact, great for a guest bathroom, it appears to be off the hallway, dark wood, darker counter top, cream tile with some black design… almost perfect. The only thing I would have done differently for literally a couple of bucks and would make it look like a million bucks are the wall plates. White and cream color wallplates have been around since Europe stopped yelling and throwing babies out the window. You have to watch those Europeans, especially when you get into southern Europe. Oh, there’s a small country within a country within a city which is Rome and the country inside Rome is… you tell me and win a prize. Yea, wallplates of cream and white are big time boring. Really boring. We now have options, all kinds of color wallplates which really make a room stand out. I have Italian aged brass in a room or two with black over-sized metal throughout the rest of the place. It makes a huge difference but still, this Loo is great. The colors are smart, thoughtful, you could read in there (actually I can read in any… never mind) And since there are no signs of towels, facecloth’s, soap, in fact I don’t see any accessories. What’s wrong with these people? You have to use the bathroom badly and when you run in with you ex-friend, (by the way, you know how people hold up their one wrist and point at it with their other hand when they want to know the time? Point at your crotch to someone, anyone, the next time you really need the bathroom) and she says; “first door on the left down the hall. You do your business and feel great! Then you notice there is not one single drop of soap, no cloth of any type, not even a bathmat. You say screw it and that you\’ll dry you hands on the wallplates. You turn the water handles and nothing. The water has been turned off. Why in God’s name do these people have a bathroom here for??? You reach under the sink and take the valve handles off after turn both up to full power, you take the toilet valve handle after you turn it off and you were lucky enough to loosen the drainpipe under the sink. You walk out and say; ” See you soon Mrs Cleaver. If you decide to remodel again soon they have some great wallplates at Sewol” Aside from this mess this is a great looking small Loo.

Back 2 Basics anyone?

Take a look at the things, stuff, electronics, picture frames, glass tops to counter tops. Microwave ovens to, George Foreman Grill to the Ron RONCO Rotisserie oven ~ “Set it and forget it” (they never mention what a royal pain in the rear end it is to clean that thing up. But it does cook a great piece of meat. Reel-to-Reel is still the best in quality but you can’t buy one. Beta should have easily beat out VHS but id not. Technology? Perhaps. Who moved faster, was more aggressive, got things going was who became the winner. It really didn’t have a thing to do with quality back then because ppl chose to buy VHS to record. It looked like crap but everything off of the TV set did then. Now it’s Blu-ray and HD-DVD over which format will become the dominant high-definition DVD platform. It’s a flip of the coin and who is the faster runner. So as you see things in your home that were brand new yesterday may be completely out of date today….. Wow my brain flatulated just then and I forgot where I was going with all this. I remembered and will tell you where, back to the basics as we should. I just read and article the other day on this upstart company that builds homes. Yea, big deal you’re thinking. The thing is these homes are ridiculously small somewhere around25 sq ft with a cozy (have ppl always noticed when the word cozy is used that the writer means cramped?) anyway, price tags for these one wheelers about 4 times the size of an outhouse is around 35k. Three br, 2 bath homes built in the 70’s were going for 25k – 30k. Inflation is definitely going to be the death of this country UNLESS we do go back to the basics and stick with them. I am relearning myself. I am fixing things rather than replacing. I am buying used instead of brand new. I ask the cashier at department stores if they have a coupon I can use. Most do. There are coupon books out there that serve the community from dining out to golf. Typically it’s a 2-for-1 deal which is great. So I came across this Loo and the first thing I thought of was Pitcher and Bowl. Now we obviously have better plumbing and such so it’s not entirely necessary to go back too far but back far enough where everything seemed much more peaceful, a simplicity to life, a relaxed hr or two in the sun drink a cold root beer. Take a look at the basin then look around your home. Try and find things that have given us a great advantage over some things but now how can we tone it down so that it is “greener”, better for the consumer, and the quality is unmatched. Send me your ideas. This could stimulate whole new workforce and this is a great thing!

Back by poopular demand…

The Battle of the “SOAP DISH” Yea! Man, this one is fun. Every country on the planet, how many countries are there? Is it 194? 204? Just as human beings this would be a good thing to know. I mean look at it this way, if you asked some extreme liberal pet owners who are constantly bleeding from the mouth about everything but what truly is important in Santa Monica, how to get to the 405 they would look west first (west is towards that large body of water often referred to as the pacific ocean) and say something like this. Also, these are natives of the Westside, here we go; “well, it’s not that way because the water is that way. I don’t think it’s down there either. I have just never seen a freeway down there. It could be up there. Now did you say Pacific Coast Highway? Oh, the 405 freeway… the 405, mmm, do you know what it’s called?” This is when the out of towner walks away and is feeling sorry for the person. The thing is all freeways have a number which most people go by; the 405, the 5, the 101, the 10… the 405 is called The San Diego Freeway. So this is how you tell a native of CA. And this same person who just sounded ditzy and harmless screamed at a homeless woman. I witnessed this. Check it out. The homeless woman was petting a dog tied to a parking meter. The dog was shy and was cowering down. The mouth bleeding no sense of direction pet owner woman comes storming out of boarders with about $100 worth of pastries, 8 bags of no caff, organic, locally grown, hand picked and foot crushed beans gutless wonder coffee and starts frantically untying her dog from the meter. The homeless woman who probably has not touched a living creature in a while but maybe a bug or a spider said very politely to the woman (this is freakin priceless b/c it is so Santa Monica. I hate Santa Monica and hope the entire town drops into the ocean. They do have the best cupcakes in the world there though, tough call) anyway, she politely says to the breeder bleeder; “I tried to pet your dog. He’s so shy and he’s beautiful” when Christine Columbus got in her face and raised her voice just short of yelling and said; he’s not shy, he hates people who smoke cigarettes!” then she stormed off. The homeless woman was priceless. She just smiled and said; “he’s still a pretty dog” Oh, I almost forgot what we were doing here. The battle of the Soap Dish and how many countries are in the world. For the 3rd time in my entire life I got something right. Cause for celebration! We don’t, who ever “we” is, we don’t count Taiwan as an official country so there are currently 194 countries in the world. This is kind of bull-shit though. Think about it. We don’t consider Taiwan as an “official” country but the Vatican is a country within Rome. It’s not a wonder that I got into the shi… the FashionLoo business 🙂 Ok, the best soap dish in the world and the worst.
As usual, the Italians have “cleaned up” on the soap dish battle. Here it is…

Italian – aged brass bath soap dish

Yea, Yea, Yea... aged brass, Italian... so what! Now look at ours, USofA...

Because we were almost disqualified for our previous soap dish were given a one-time only replacement opportunity. I can assure you we didn’t go to the 0.99cent store this time, we went to “Soap Dish traveler de la Creme” where only the best, top-shelf only, optimum and finest plastic stuff is sold at a discount. I honestly felt in my heart of hearts that we would undisputedly walk away with the award for the first time ever.We got it alright, “FashionLoo, worst Loo accessories ever” award. Our fine Pop Culture item which was most difficult to locate loses to a rusty old tub soap dish that they call “aged brass from Italy” Who cares??? Ours is in a claw foot tub. It’s personal now. We are already designing our own accessories from this point forward. Surely we’ll be opening FashionLoo 3 ~ “Accessories; Personalize your Loo. After all, it is you”. Even the name is a hit. See what Europe has next week… Ha Ha Ha! I already smell success and can see gold going to the bank! We’re talking Cream de la Creme here and not creme brulee < burnt cream. So claw foot pop culture soap dish lost the battle, but not the war! Take a good long hard look at him…

Great Loo, limited space, made it work!

I love this bathroom. Check it out… the windows are unique or at least rarely seen anymore. That sink I know goes for under $100, the colors are perfect and for this Loo a person couldn’t find better matching tones. Two things I will caution you about, the toilet handle is on the left side when looking at it. Eljer is made that way. They’re next to impossible to find. Now sitting on the toilet to TP is sticking out from the wall. Either a TP stand that you can move around or have the it inserted into the wall with copper casing. It would be perfect. I am a pain in the ass aren’t I 😉 I have a feeling this Loo is in the UK.

Love it! Side wall lamps, the colors blend really well, the floor looks awesome. The only thing is the toilet handle is on the left side. This may be an Eljer. Move forward with EXTREME caution people.

g. max shapiro
maxshapiro.ca@gmail.com
828-676-0803 or 310-869-7764
Call/email for a free, no obligation consultation
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